This not my tractor–a conversation with Joshua

This was the conversation we had with Joshua this morning:

Daddy: Right, let’s get you out of your cot.

Joshua: (Holds up dressing gown) This my rope.

Daddy: Your rope? Great.

Daddy lifts Joshua out of his cot. Joshua wanders through to the landing and speaks with Mummy. He’s holding his dressing gown and a dog cuddle toy.

Joshua: (Holds up dressing gown to show to Mummy) This my rope.

Mummy: Your rope?

Joshua: Yes. (Holds up Copper, the dog from Disney’s The Fox & the Hound). This not my tractor.

Mummy: (Laughs) It’s not your tractor. Ok, what is it?

Joshua: (Looks at Mummy like she’s mad) It Copper!

Mummy: Of course!

There’s never a dull moment in our house!

On not giving away too much information about bikes in a conversation with a toddler

A couple of nights ago Jane ordered Reuben and Joshua their first bikes (Branching Out First Bikes by John Crane), one in blue, the other in red. These are push-along, balance bikes with pneumatic tyres, adjustable-height seats and a bell on the handlebars. They arrived today.

Yesterday Jane took the boys into St Andrews to buy them proper bike helmets, which cost almost as much as the bikes themselves.

Reuben and Joshua love bike helmets; they’ve worn Jane and my helmets at home for the last few months. Often fighting over them. They love their own helmets now too. Reuben has a blue one with pirates on it, Joshua has a red one with dinosaurs on it.

I was sitting with Reuben last night, knowing that their new bikes would hopefully arrive the following day. We’d kept it secret from them that we’d ordered them. This was our conversation:

Daddy: Do you like your new bike helmet, Reuben?

Reuben: My like it. My like my new bike helmet.

Daddy: Good. Now you’ve got a bike helmet what do you think you might need next?

Reuben: Mmmm… [obviously thinking]. A drill!

Daddy: A drill?!

Reuben: Yes. My like a drill.

Daddy: Right… okay. Well, I didn’t give away too much information in that conversation then, did I?

Some kind of weird omnivore’s litany

I have no idea what was going on in Reuben’s head at dinner this evening.

While I was eating (cottage pie, thanks for asking. And yes, it was delicious) I suddenly became aware that Reuben was chatting to himself.

He appeared to be asking questions.  And then Joshua started joining in too with the answers.

This is what he was saying, no word of a lie:

Reuben: Daddy eat flowers?

Reuben and Joshua: NO!

Reuben: Daddy eat Mummy’s head?

Reuben and Joshua: NO!

Reuben: Mummy eat own head?

Reuben and Joshua: NO!

What?!

It was like some kind of weird omnivore’s litany.

Conversation #6

Conversation while feeding Reuben and Joshua the other night.

Gareth: You know, in many ways having children is like having a dishwasher.

Jane: Really?! How?

Gareth: Well, you know … you don’t actually need one but life feels somehow … better … with one.

Jane: Yeah, but the main difference is that a dishwasher makes your life easier.

Gareth: I suppose so. And you don’t fill your children with tablets and salt.

Jane: … or dishes!

Gareth: So … erm, in conclusion children aren’t like dishwashers, are they?

Jane: No, not really.