An emotional day two

Reuben and Joshua nose-to-nose
Jane spotted Reuben and Joshua lying nose-to-nose just before I left last night and captured this photo.

Looking back over my life I can see certain periods where I’ve just gone ahead and done what needed to be done first and dealt with the emotional consequences later, usually in private. The births of Reuben and Joshua have been just like that.

Yesterday was an emotional day. The reality of what’s happened hit me yesterday, like an emotional tsunami. I did a lot of crying yesterday: tears of joy, tears of relief. My poor human body just isn’t big enough to contain the love that I have for Jane, Reuben and Joshua and so it all came spilling out.

When I got back to the car I wept. I howled deep groans from my gut as it all came spilling out, eight years of wondering, eight years of supporting one another, and the yearning and hoping and praying that one day we would have children. And now we have two, in one go; I always did love efficiency.

As I drove home I remembered all those negative pregnancy tests during our time in Inverness and Edinburgh, and the wonder and delight of seeing a positive result earlier this year. My mind thought back to last year’s journey through IVF, and the long sleepless nights that Jane has endured this year (so far!). And I praised God.

This morning has been difficult. I’ve had various bits and pieces that Jane asked me to do, but all I’ve wanted to do is climb into the car and go and see my beautiful, amazing wife and our two babies.

Still, I’ve appreciated the space as I’ve changed bed clothes in preparation for any visitors who need to stay over, done some washing, and rang the Registry Office to arrange an appointment to register Reuben and Joshua’s births (I’m still waiting for the call back). A spot of lunch in a minute, and then I’ll head back to Dundee to see how Jane is.

Jane is doing amazingly well; she was up and about yesterday, which is remarkable not even a full day after major surgery. We’re not sure when she’s be discharged, so we’ll still take every day as it comes.

By the way, there are more photos on Flickr.

Published by

Gareth Saunders

I’m Gareth J M Saunders, 52 years old, 6′ 4″, father of 3 boys (including twins). Enneagram type FOUR and introvert (INFP), I am a non-stipendiary priest in the Scottish Episcopal Church, I sing with the NYCGB alumni choir, play guitar, play mahjong, write, draw and laugh… Scrum master at Safeguard Global; latterly at Sky and Vision/Cegedim. Former web architect and agile project manager at the University of St Andrews and previously warden at Agnes Blackadder Hall.

4 thoughts on “An emotional day two”

  1. beautiful words gareth. you’ve set me off (again)

    the wonder of it all eh?

    i know youve often had such a tough time and finally you have the best thing that anyone could wish for – a fantastic family

    much love to you all


  2. Congratulations to you and Jane! We’ve never met you, but through reading your postings here, we know what you guys have been through, and we are so unbelievably “chuffed” at such wonderful news…and so genuinely pleased at the safe arrival of Reuben and Joshua!

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