My ideas for Casualty

In the UK there’s been a long-time medical TV series called Casualty; the YouTube video above shows you the opening titles from Series 15 (2000-2001).

The show is filmed in Bristol, but is set in the fictitious town of Holby — around which have sprung up two other series Holby City (set in the same hospital as Casualty, but on the wards rather than in A&E) and HolbyBlue, about the Holby police.

Guest directors

Anyway, with the non-UK readers catered for … I’ve often thought that it would be really cool to have an episode or two of Casualty each series directed by a guest director.

What would an episode directed by Quentin Tarantino look like? Or Ridley Scott? Or Tim Burton? Or how about Woody Allen?

Q. Who would your director of choice be and why?

I’d really like to see a Quentin Tarantino episode, I have to be honest. I’m just intrigued to know how he would handle it. I imagine there would be quite a lot of implied violence, mixed with the most intricate detail and trivial conversations. You can imagine, for example, an in-depth and heated conversation between two paramedics about the best glue to use for DIY tasks at home while attending a really gruesome train wreck.

The quiet episode

The other episode I’d really like to see is the quiet episode, the near-miss episode, the episode where everyone sits around in the A&E department not knowing what to do with themselves because it’s so quiet.

That’s one of the great things about Casualty: you always know that something awful is going to happen.

  • A couple in a car driving down a road. Cuts to a lorry carrying a dangerous looking cargo. CRASH!
  • A boy is playing with a frisbee near some pylons. “JIMMY!” He falls to the ground electrocuted.
  • A lady is trying to do two many things at once in the kitchen, while watching the baby. Cuts to man ringing doorbell. Lady rushes to open door but the fridge follows her and falls on top of her blocking the door. Baby starts crying as something on daytime telly has frightened her.

Let’s see what you could have won!

I didn’t say I wrote Casualty! But you get the idea. Well … in my episode:

  • A couple in a car driving down a road. Cuts to a lorry carrying a dangerous looking cargo. SWERVE! Phew! Near miss.
  • A boy is playing with a frisbee near some pylons. “JIMMY!” Jimmy notices the pylons, picks up the frisbee and decides that this is too dangerous a place to play. Phew! Near miss.
  • A lady is trying to do two many things at once in the kitchen, while watching the baby. Cuts to man ringing doorbell. Lady rushes to open door but he just wants to sell her insurance and she’s not interested. Baby laughs at an episode if Homes under the hammer. Phew! … Phew! again.

That’s my idea. If you’re a writer for popular BBC TV show Casualty, please feel free to use any of those ideas … on the conditions that:

  1. You call two of the characters Gareth and Jane.
  2. You help us choose two names for our twins.

I’ll waive my consultancy fee and EVERYTHING™.

Jesus is for Losers

Calamateur has a new album out/on the way called Jesus is for Losers.

There are two tracks available now, with more to follow over the next few weeks.

The album is a collection of new Calamateur songs, some re-worked old ones and several cover versions, including the title track (available now) which is a cover of an incredible song by Steve Taylor. You can read more about the making of the album on [Calamateur’s] blog.

Also included in the download is a gorgeous 9-page digital booklet with artwork, credits and essay.

Give it a listen. Give it a read.

Things that annoy me when installing software

Here’s area a few things that really annoy me when installing new software on Windows.

Applications that:

  • Add their icons to the QuickLaunch toolbar in Windows. Yes! I’m looking at you iTunes and QuickTime.
  • Fill up my My Documents folder with your own custom folders that I then can’t move. Yes! I’m looking at you Axialis Librarian, Camtasia Studio, Cloudmark Logs, Comic Life, e-Sword, InterVideo, Libronix DLS, Live! Cam Centre, (Adobe) My Digital Editions, (Mindjet) My Maps, (Corel Paint Shop Pro) My PSP Files, My Skype Pictures, My Transferred Files, (UltraMon) My Wallpapers, (Yahoo!) My Widgets, Nero, Nero Home, NeroVision, O&O, SnagIt, SnagIt Catalog, and Version Cue. Have you seriously not heard of the Application Data folder?!
  • Applications that won’t allow me to move their folder within Start > All Programs. Yes! I’m looking at you Cisco VPN Client. I like to reorder my Start menu into something more meaningful and personal. I don’t want your sorry ass trying to reinstall itself just because I’ve dumped your shortcut into a sub-folder.

Apart from all of that, I’m quite tollerant, really.