Chapman Stick Chapstick

I wonder if the Chapman Stick manufactuers (presumably Mr Chapman) have considered an integrated Chapman Stick Chapstick.

There must be times when Chapman Stick players are tapping away on their strangely fretted but percussive instruments and think: “Darn! Aren’t my lips devoid of moisture … if only there was some kind of lip moisture device integrated into this invention of musical ability.”

Or vice versa.

I imagine that there may have been moments when ordinary members of the worldwide citizenship alliance (or whatever the so-called general public are called these days) are in the process of moistening their lips by rubbing them on the waxy column that they have recently twisted from their store-purchased chapstick, when all of a sudden they have an overwhelming desire to recreate the recorded tunes of Mr Tony Levin.

I imagine that this will also most likely lead to other instrument-beauty-product mash-ups.

Such as:

  • Cello with integrated with balm spout (the Cell-o-balm (spout))
  • Piano with built-in shampoo (I call it the Shampiano)
  • Kazoo with breath-freshener mints dispenser (the Kazoo-o-fresh)

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Gareth Saunders

I’m Gareth J M Saunders, 46 years old, 6′ 4″, father of 3 boys (including twins). Latterly, web architect and agile project manager at the University of St Andrews and warden at Agnes Blackadder Hall. Currently on sabbatical. I am a priest in the Scottish Episcopal Church, and I sing with the NYCGB alumni choir.

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