I’m a published poet … apparently!


About a fortnight ago I got an email from a friend of mine, Ian Rooney. He’s a pharmacist. In Fife.

You might know him from such unavailable board games as Move Yer Hearse, which involves a hearse that you … erm, well, move. And … erm … I think that’s it.

Why not leave him a kind message in the comments below. You might like to send him a poem that you’ve written about — oh, I don’t know, what about hoaxes, high jinx and general larking about. He’s very friendly, I’m sure he’ll be delighted to hear from you. 🙂

Email #1

Anyway, here’s what he wrote:

Dear Rev Sanders,

May I be the first to congratulate you on your recent entry into the Poetry Corner section of the Fife Leader. I very much liked your entry ‘THE MOTHS OF GLENROTHES’ and am understandably excited at what future treats you may wish to serve up to the good people of Fife.

King regards

I Rooney

Of course, I simply assumed that he must have inhaled the vapours of one too many Vicks Vaporubs in the local apothecary’s emporium in which he plies his trade. I didn’t think too much of it.

Until this evening.

Email #2

This evening, I received yet another email from Mr Rooney:

Dear Gareth

Congratulations on your recent entry into Poets Corner! Unfortunately they’ve misspelled your name and listed it as Saunders and not as Sanders. I will write and notify them immediately

Yours Sincerely
Iain R

There was also a scan from the Fife Leader:

The Moths of Glenrothes

WHAT?!! That’s supposedly me. Sending in poems to my local newspaper.

Attachment theory

So I promptly returned to the first email that Iain has sent me. There was an attachment that I hadn’t noticed before. It was a letter, presumably to the Fife Leader:


Please find below my latest poem entitled The Moths of Glenrothes which attempts to raise awareness onto the blight of light pollution. I hope you find it ‘enlightening’.

Yours Sincerely,

Rev Gareth Sanders

And beneath it was ‘my’ poem, called The Moths of Glenrothes:

The Moths of Glenrothes

The Moths of Glenrothes are getting distracted – the night sky is shimmering more
Their usual journey around Balbirnie is becoming a difficult chore

There’s too many headlights and too many lamplights-it’s not like the good old dark days
The Moths who reside around Woodside are confused by the increased light rays

I appeal to the council to cutback on lamp-posts in a gesture to all flying beasts
The Moths will fly better, I will sleep easy and utility bills will decrease

So be not a man who cares not for winged insects, it’s time to address light pollution
Write to your MP, illuminate the problem and together we’ll find a solution

Rev Gareth Sanders

So there you go. That’s ‘my’ poem. Seemingly.

Except that it’s not. I didn’t write it. I feel like my identity has been thefted [sic]!


Any thoughts on what ‘kindness’ I can do in Iain’s name? 😉

p.s. I’m not at all annoyed by this. I do think it’s rather amusing. 🙂

The Abs Diet

In my last issue of Men’s Health magazine I got a flyer inviting me to

Send for your 14-day FREE-PREVIEW COPY of The Abs Diet…

If I decided to keep the book the flyer told me that “I’ll pay four easy instalments of just £6.99” which included postage and handling. A total of £27.96.

You can buy the same book on Amazon for £3.14. A saving of £24.82 before postage.

For £24.82 you could probably have it delivered to the Moon.

The DM of the Rings

36-year-old software engineer Shamus Young likes The Lord of the Rings. He also likes Dungeons & Dragons, so he combined his two passions and created The DM of the Rings, a webcomic in 144 parts.

Seemingly it took him about a year to complete. It’s great, obviously some understanding of both LOTR and D&D is a bonus in understanding its humour, but seriously: this should be published as a book.

Spotted in .net magazine (March 2008)