How many perfect lovers do you need?!

A few months back I stumbled across a website that had this bright red box proudly displayed on its page:

Calculate the exact name of your perfect lover!

It was clearly an advert for something, but I thought that it might be quite fun to see what it reckoned “the exact name of my perfect lover” would be.

I already knew: Jane Ellison Saunders.

So I entered my name and clicked the Calculate! button.

Sign up now!

But it didn’t tell me the exact name of my perfect lover. Instead it took me to an intermediate page where it invited me to sign up for an SMS text service.

Summary terms

Only after I signed up would it reveal to me the exact name of my perfect lover.

Ts & Cs

I was just about to hit the “Back” button when something in the Terms and Conditions caught my eye. I was curious about the cost of this text service.

You are subscribing to our weekly prediction service at £9/week


Nine pounds sterling a week?!!

A WEEK??!!

I read on:

The cost of calculating soulmate’s name is £3. The prediction is charged at £3. Your (sic) will get three predictions each week for £3 each.


What precisely was their definition of “exact”? It didn’t sound very exact if it was going to take them three attempts a week to get it correct, at a cost of £3 per text.

Seriously, are there really people gullible enough to sign up for such a service? Surely looking up random pages in a telephone directory would be both cheaper and more accurate!

You wouldn’t put up with this kind of service if it was your doctor or the plumber.

Doctor: I think you might have … er … chicken pox?
You: Really?
Doctor: Dunno … could you come back on Wednesday?

I’ve just asked Jane what “the exact name of my perfect lover is”. She said: Jane Ellison Saunders.

And do you know what? She’s right. And it didn’t cost me £3.

Published by

Gareth Saunders

I’m Gareth J M Saunders, 52 years old, 6′ 4″, father of 3 boys (including twins). Enneagram type FOUR and introvert (INFP), I am a non-stipendiary priest in the Scottish Episcopal Church, I sing with the NYCGB alumni choir, play guitar, play mahjong, write, draw and laugh… Former Scrum master at Safeguard Global, Sky and Vision/Cegedim. Former web architect and agile project manager at the University of St Andrews and previously warden at Agnes Blackadder Hall.

5 thoughts on “How many perfect lovers do you need?!”

  1. I thought exactly the same (execpt for the Jane Ellison Saunders bit!) since I started to see those advertisements all over the web, even on some of my favourite web sites. Being curious, as you were I was also shocked at the £9 a week bit.

    You just beat me to the blog!

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