The parcel of doom

Yesterday I arrived home to discover that I had a parcel. Technically, it’s probably more a “packet” than a “parcel” but hey! Anyway, here it is:

White packet

I got all excited. I love getting parcels. Everyone loves getting parcels.

What could it be?

As I’d ordered a few geeky accessories for my new phone on the internet I wondered if it could be one of those. Maybe it’s my 2GB micro-SD card, or the O2 Xda Orbit cover (made from 100% real ‘something’) or …

I couldn’t stand it any longer. I took it through to my desk, ripped it open and looked inside:

A letter, a leaflet and a bottle for wee.

Imagine my disappointment when I discovered that it contained three things, none of which I’d ordered on the World Wide Web:

  1. A letter from a consultant urologist surgeon inviting me to an appointment next Tuesday, where they’ll pour some anaesthetic gel onto my ‘manly bits’ (their words! — I’m paraphrasing) and shove a camera up my winkle. Smile! The procedure is called a flexible cystoscopy
  2. A leaflet (with diagrams) explaining what they’ll do … as though more detail was a good thing!
  3. A little plastic bottle for wee.

Oh, how I’m now looking forward to Tuesday morning at 09:00. (Irony!) Isn’t modern medicine marvellous that they can do such things. (Fact!)

Still, hopefully they’ll be able to find out why I’ve had so many UTIs over the last couple of months, and why I’m still experiencing some discomfort after four weeks of antibiotics.

As it turns out, there were three other parcels delivered yesterday for me too. One was delivered to number 39: it was a new Sony DVD+RW drive to replace the one that I hadn’t actually broken — I’ll tell you that story later; the next was shoved through the cat flap: it was my Swedish Xda case; and the last was delivered with my parcel of doom in the conventional way (through the letter box) and was my 2GB micro-SD card.

All’s well that end’s well, as they say.

But then I bet the person that said that didn’t have the prospect of having a camera shoved up them!

Published by

Gareth Saunders

I’m Gareth J M Saunders, 52 years old, 6′ 4″, father of 3 boys (including twins). Enneagram type FOUR and introvert (INFP), I am a non-stipendiary priest in the Scottish Episcopal Church, I sing with the NYCGB alumni choir, play guitar, play mahjong, write, draw and laugh… Scrum master at Safeguard Global; latterly at Sky and Vision/Cegedim. Former web architect and agile project manager at the University of St Andrews and previously warden at Agnes Blackadder Hall.

4 thoughts on “The parcel of doom”

  1. Gareth,

    Am CRYING with laughter reading your paraphrase of a flexi cystoscopy, think I should start explaining it to patients like that!

    On a serious note, hope it goes well…I’m kicking around the hospital all next week so if Jane’s coming with you and will be bored waiting for you or if you have some hanging about (I’m keeping well away from theatres on tuesday I think!) give me a shout – I’m on ward 10, or if you bleep 4205 you’ll probably find me.

    Good luck with the cystoscopy, try not to look!


  2. Dear Dr Jo,

    thanks for your kind invitation, however, I’m having it done at St Andrews Memorial Hospital not Ninewells.

    But next time I’m having sometime unpleasant done to me in Dundee … erm, in a hospital! we’ll be sure to look you up.

  3. aha, you might miss me then, i’m only going to be here for another month, then Dr Jo i will be at last! hurrah! job starting in august in edinburgh so will be moving back then. hope it’s not too unpleasant!

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