Santa on coke

Santa drinking coke sitting on a comfy chair. He says Wherever I go...

I’ve just watched a television advertisement featuring Santa Claus and Coca Cola and I have to say that I’m a little concerned.

It’s not that the advertisement itself is a bad advert, I mean, it is appropriately seasonal and does a great job for Coca Cola. The advert is warm and homely and evokes feelings of cosy family Christmases around open fires with chestnuts roasting and … stuff.

If you’ve not seen it already, it begins with Santa giving a bottle of Coke to a young woman. There is then a short montage of her life, the most significant moments of which — of course! — feature a bottle of Coke. It ends with the same woman, now a grandmother, giving a bottle of Coke to Santa, with her granddaughter standing next to her. Ahhh…!

Only, you see, that’s exactly where my problem lies. It’s not that I don’t want people to be kind to one another; I have something of a history of being involved in random acts of kindness. It’s not that.

It’s this: does she not realise that Coca Cola contains caffeine which is a diuretic: it makes you pee. Or as Wikipedia prefers to put it, a diuretic

elevates the rate of bodily urine excretion (diuresis).

(Nice work boffins!)

Does she not realise that Santa has an important job to do? He has to deliver Christmas presents to all the good boys and girls around the world. In one night. And he can’t do that if he’s been guzzling Coca Cola all evening. He’ll be stopping the sleigh every half an hour to have a wee!

Santa, where would you go if you needed to stop?

“Wherever I go…!”

I think there’s a message there for us all.

Published by

Gareth Saunders

I’m Gareth J M Saunders, 47 years old, 6′ 4″, father of 3 boys (including twins). Latterly, web architect and agile project manager at the University of St Andrews and warden at Agnes Blackadder Hall. Currently on sabbatical. I am a priest in the Scottish Episcopal Church, and I sing with the NYCGB alumni choir.

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