Amazing mobile screensavers…?!

Mobile phone lying on its side.

I’ve just watched a television advertisement about “animated screensavers” for your mobile telecommunications device, and quite frankly I’m disappointed.

“Amaze your friends with these new moving wallpapers,” the advert claimed.

NO!! Clearly not!

First, there is a difference between “screensavers” and “wallpapers”, which the advertisement clearly fails to recognise.

Second, who in their right mind is going to be “amazed” at an animation on their phone?!

There they are holding an incredibly complicated piece of electronic gadgetery (is that a word?) that combines not only a low-power transceiver that transmits both voice and data anything up to 8 miles to the nearest receiver, but these days also a megapixel camera, a personal organizer, an MP3 player, compass, radio and alarm clock, as well as a mini browser to access the Internet, the information superhighway.

Why in the name of all things technologically advantageous are they then going to be “amazed” at a £3.99 animation of Vicky Pollard, or a jiggling bottom, or a sinning yin and yang whenever they are not doing anything useful with their phone?

Yeah, but, … no, but …!

NO!! If they are amazed by that then quite frankly they don’t deserve a mobile phone in the first place. And don’t get me started about ringtones!

p.s. This isn’t a real rant. Or is it?

I’ve got a bike

Syd Barrett

I was saddenly to learn this evening on Planet Rock radio that Pink Floyd co-founder Roger ‘Syd’ Barrett died last week of complications related to diabetes; he was only 60 years old. To be fair, I would have felt sad no matter where I learned that news. Sad Barrett?

I love the first Pink Floyd album, The Piper at the Gates of Dawn — the title, incidentally, taken from the book The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame, and the only Floyd album that Syd played on — which I first heard after discovering a cassette of the album while cleaning a homeless hostel basement in south London.

My favourite lyrics from that album, written (I’m sure) by Barrett are from the opening song “I’ve got a bike”. I love the simplicity and playfulness of the words, and its rythmn and meter.

I’ve got a bike

I’ve got a bike.
You can ride it if you like.
It’s got a basket, a bell that rings,
and things to make it look good.
I’d give it to you if I could, but I borrowed it.

You’re the kind of girl that fits in with my world.
I’ll give you anything, everything, if you want things.

I’ve got a cloak, it’s a bit of a joke.
There’s a tear up the front, it’s red and black,
I’ve had it for months.
If you think it could look good then I guess it should.

You’re the kind of girl that fits in with my world
I’ll give you anything, everything, if you want things

I know a mouse and he hasn’t got a house.
I don’t know why I call him Gerald.
He’s getting rather old but he’s a good mouse.

You’re the kind of girl that fits in with my world.
I’ll give you anything, everything, if you want things.

I’ve got a clan of gingerbread men.
Here a man, there a man, lots of gingerbread men.
Take a couple if you wish, they’re on the dish.

You’re the kind of girl that fits in with my world.
I’ll give you anything, everything, if you want things

I know a room full of musical tunes.
Some rhyme, some ching, most of them are clockwork.

Let’s go into the other room and make them work.

I’ve got a bike. It has neither a basket nor a bell. Which is a shame.

Bye bye

Illustration of the Canadian flag.

This morning I waved goodbye to Jane. It’s the last time that I’ll ever see her again. Until Saturday. Saturday 22 July. (2006, in case you were wondering.) Can you feel my pain?

This afternoon Jane flies to London (to see the Queen) and then on Friday she will be joined by her older sister Pauline, and the two of them (and a whole bunch of strangers, I don’t want you to think that they’ve chartered their own aircraft) will fly to Canada to meet up with their parents for a vacation in Vancouver. A ‘vancation’?

So it’s just me and the cats, and the Lord, and the Communion of Saints, and my book, and my metal collection, and my job to keep me entertained for the next 11 days. Speaking of which, I’d better get to work now. Bye bye!