I’ve been feeling particularly low today. Little self-belief, or self-confidence. Worrying about the future. Struggling.
I was listening to my MP3 collection (one of the few things that survived The Crash(TM)) on random when Stone Sour’s song Bother came on. I found it somewhat (somehow?) encouraging. In there was something of the tension that I was feeling: a battle between wanting just to give up and finding that extra energy to fight on.
Bother
by Stone SourWish I was too dead to cry
My self-affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater
You don’t need to bother;
I don’t need to be
I’ll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won’t let go ’til it bleedsWish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason;
my flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dyingYou don’t need to bother;
I don’t need to be
I’ll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won’t let go ’til it bleedsWish I’d died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgotten
with its memories
Diaries left
with cryptic entriesAnd you don’t need to bother;
I don’t need to be
I’ll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won’t let go ’til it bleedsYou don’t need to bother;
I don’t need to be
I’ll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on:
I’ll never live down my deceit
I still feel low. Perhaps an early night will help. And then tomorrow I can take my broken phone to the O2 shop and see if I can get another Nokia 6100. (Jane’s old one, I’ve just discovered, has a damaged earpiece!)