Film spoilers — talking during films

Tonight we’re going to the cinema, to see the new Star Wars film. I was discussing this with my friend James Frost — who, from this blog alone, will probably appear to be my only friend in the world, and certainly my only online friend! It’s not true. There’s also … erm.

Anyway, we got talking about this on MSN Messenger, late last night, and I decided that I should go to an earlier showing of the film but not tell my brother about it when we meet up in town for the 8pm showing at Vue.

And then just talk all the way through the film! Shouting out what’s going to happen next.

“Awww… this is a GREAT bit coming up!
“Watch out!”
“Look behind you!”
“Oh, this bit’s great. A Man pushes A Man, and the Man dies.”

James suggested that I keep asking where Luke and Han are.

“Where’s Han? I thought Han Solo was in Star Wars!”

Another James™ suggestion was wait for the titles, and simply shout, with incredulity, “STAR WARS?! WHAT?!” and storm out.

Or as each character appears, or starts talking on screen, shout their name out really loudly:

“That’s PADME Amadala! … Obi Wan KENOBI! … C-3PO … Padme AMADALA again! … YODA!”
“Will you please shut up!”
“Sorry, is it your turn?”
“So it’s still my go? … YODA! … ANAKIN! … HAN SOLO!”
“Han Solo’s not in this!”
“What?! Why?! I thought Han Solo was in Star Wars!”

It’s annoying, people talking during films, isn’t it.

When we went to see Mel Gibson’s “The Passion of the Christ” a while back, just as the trailers finished, the lights dimmed further and the BBFC card announced the beginning of the film, I said — in a rather too loud voice, “Have you read the book?” And a friend of mine replied — in a rather too loud voice — “What? There’s a book?”

James again:

Once, when I was at the cinema, somebody in the row behind me told me to stop talking … DURING THE ADVERTS!

And once, when my friend John and a friend of his went [to the cinema], just before the film started, an elderly lady in the row infront of them turned to them and said “I hope you two won’t be swearing through this film!”

Because that’s what young people do – we go to films and swear at them! Just to add – they weren’t swearing before the film! She just seemed to assume that they’d begin once it started!

You couldn’t make this stuff up!

Anyway, I’m not going early. I’m going to have to wait and see the film at the same time as Eddie, Rebecca and Jane. But I do know one thing, when the film ends and we’ve watched the credits roll, I’m going to sit back in my seat and exclaim, “Wow! That was AMAZING! I can’t wait for the sequel!”

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Gareth Saunders

I’m Gareth J M Saunders, 52 years old, 6′ 4″, father of 3 boys (including twins). Enneagram type FOUR and introvert (INFP), I am a non-stipendiary priest in the Scottish Episcopal Church, I sing with the NYCGB alumni choir, play guitar, play mahjong, write, draw and laugh… Former Scrum master at Safeguard Global, Sky and Vision/Cegedim. Former web architect and agile project manager at the University of St Andrews and previously warden at Agnes Blackadder Hall.

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