Buying a house-load of furniture at once

Tomorrow morning Jane and I are going to drive a Ford Transit full of furniture to Cellardyke. Assuming that the snow doesn’t scupper our plans.

I picked up a hire van this afternoon and following a spot of tea (pasta with chicken in a honey and mustard sauce, thanks for asking) Jane and I drove to Currys at Hermiston Gait to pick up a fridge I’d bought there on Monday evening.

Currys was closed. The big wendys! They’d closed the store at 6pm because of the snow. We Brits don’t do snow very well. There was hardly an inch of the stuff, and most of that was melting. So we’ll have to go there on our way to Cellardyke tomorrow morning.

Ikea, however, was very open. And it was like a ghost town — admittedly one where all the inhabitants lived in a giant open-plan town that is encased in a huge warehouse — but there was hardly anyone there. It was great! We bought a dining table, six dining chairs, a kingsize bed, a bunkbed, 3 mattresses, 2 shelving units and a pair of curtains.

And here’s the crunch: we were offered 10% off if we opened an Ikea Homecard account. Sure, we said … that would be about £100 discount. I went to move the van while Jane signed up. When I returned we were told that “computer says no!” Our credit check was refused … something about them not understanding what a ‘tied house’ is. Hoorah! Discrimination on account of my job. So, I had to hand over my Switch card and forego our tasty discount.

And THAT had to go through a credit check too! “What’s the first and third letters of your security password?” the assistant asked.
“Which one?” I said. I have two: one for telephone banking, one for online banking.
“Dunno,” he said.
I had a guess, and got it wrong. I had another guess and thankfully this time it went through. I’ve not had to use that since 1998. Good memory! Whew!

So, tomorrow we drive to Cellardyke and I build Ikea furniture. All day. But it will be SO worth it. We’ve looked forward to this day for months; it was July 2004 we put in the offer on the house.

And pray that I did leave my electric screwdriver in the house on the last visit…

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Gareth Saunders

I’m Gareth J M Saunders, 46 years old, 6′ 4″, father of 3 boys (including twins). Latterly, web architect and agile project manager at the University of St Andrews and warden at Agnes Blackadder Hall. Currently on sabbatical. I am a priest in the Scottish Episcopal Church, and I sing with the NYCGB alumni choir.

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