I’m a real boy

I am not Pinnochio, I am a real boy!

The waiting is over: Jane and I visited our GP this morning to discover the test results for my semen sample. Here is a little tip for any GPs reading this: before you divulge the test results why not read them over first and then summarize them for the anxious couple sitting opposite. Alteratively, you could — as ours did — begin to read them and suddenly exclaim, “Oh! that’s not very much … that’s a tiny sample! 0.9 ml .. that’s hardly anything!”

“I did the best I could,” I defended myself. And, you know, they do say good things come in small portions. It seems that I do too!

Despite the initial less-than-pastorally-sensitive approach, the doctor went on to say that my sperm were fairly active and in good concentration for the small sample that was analysed (Look! she brought it up again!). In fact, I think she enjoyed breaking that news to us so much that she sent me away with another pot, another form and a plastic bag to pop the two into, and told me to try again. I told her that if it didn’t look much the second time I’d just top it up with milk. “Don’t do that!!” she exclaimed. I assured her that I wouldn’t.

Maybe I wouldn’t have to. Funnily enough, when I got home this evening and picked up email there were at least two spam emails in my Junk folder offering pharmaceutical solutions for increasing the volume of my ejaculations. Who says that all spam is useless …?!

Published by

Gareth Saunders

I’m Gareth J M Saunders, 46 years old, 6′ 4″, father of 3 boys (including twins). Latterly, web architect and agile project manager at the University of St Andrews and warden at Agnes Blackadder Hall. Currently on sabbatical. I am a priest in the Scottish Episcopal Church, and I sing with the NYCGB alumni choir.

3 thoughts on “I’m a real boy”

  1. wow… i really hope that works out. heehee, little gareth – can you get slayer teeshirts that small?
    take care
    good luck…
    William.

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