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R A F   P I L O T S  

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It appears that RAF pilots submit complaints to ground 
maintenance after a flight. Here are some complaints and the 
reply given by maintenance team:

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough"
Answer: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft"

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacing
A: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
A: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Evidence of hydraulic laks on right main landing gear.
A: Evidence removed.

P: Distance Measuring Equipment volume is unbelievably loud.
A: Volume set to more believable level.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
A: Live bugs on order.

P: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces 200 ft per sec descent.
A: Unable to reproduce problem on the ground.

P: IFF inoperative.
A: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

P: WHining noise in cockpit after engine shutdown.
A: Pilot removed from cockpit.

and my favourite...

P: Number 3 engine missing.
A: Engine found on right wing after brief search.