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O F F I C E   W A R G A M E S

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Office War Games Part II

by Neil Morgans


* Draw enormous genitalia on a notepad and show it to the
  person next to you for their approval.
	  
* When biscuits arrive, give one to each attendee, then
  systematically smash each one with your fist.
  
* Chew tobacco.

* Wear a hands-free phone headset and every once in a while
  drift off into an unrelated conversation such as: "I don't
  care if there are no drawfs, just get the show done!"
  
* Write "He fancies you" on your pad and show it to the 
  person next to you, indicating with your pen.
  
* Respond to a serious question with: "I don't know what to
  say. Obviously I'm flattered, but it's all happened so 
  fast."
  
* Use Nam-style jargon, such as "What's the ETA?" and "Who's
  on recon?" and "Charlie don't surf!"

* Reconstruct the meeting in front of you using action 
  figures; when anyone moves, rearrange the figures 
  accordingly.
  
* Repeat every idea expressed in a baby voice while moving
	  your hand like a chattering mouth.
  
* Gradually push yourself closer and closer to the door on
  your chair.
  
* Produce a hamster from your pocket and suggest throwing it
  around as a means of idea exchange.