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B O R E D   D U R I N G   M E E T I N G S  ?  

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Why not try some of these neat little exercises, not only will it
make meetings more interesting but your fellow workmates will 
become suddenly more alert and maintain a respectful distance. 
By following these simple guidelines during important meetings, 
you too can be an unmitigated success:

Discreetly clasp hold of someone's hand and whisper, "can you 
feel it?" out of the corner of your mouth.

Draw enormous genitalia on your notepad and discreetly show it to 
the person next to you for their approval.

When refreshments are presented, immediately distribute one 
biscuit to each of the attendees, then systematically smash each one with your fist in front of them.

Chew tobacco

Wear a hands free headset throughout, once in a while drift off 
into an unrelated conversation such as, "I don't care if there 
are dwarves just get the show done!"

Write the words "he fancies you" on your pad and show it to the
 person next to you whilst indicating with your pen.

Respond to a serious question with "I don't know what to say, 
obviously I'm flattered, but it's all happened so fast"

Use 'Nam style language such as "What's the ETA", "Whose on 
recon" and "Charlie don't surf"

Reconstruct the meeting in front of you using action figures 
and when anyone moves rearrange the figures accordingly.

Shave one of your forearms

Draw a chalk circle around one of the arms then avoid sitting 
on it when the meeting starts. When someone does eventually sit
 on it, cover your mouth and gasp.

Turn your back on the meeting and sit facing the window with 
your legs stretched out. Announce that you "love this dirty town"

Walk directly up to a colleague and stand nose to nose with him
 for a whole minute

Climb up on the desk and walk along its length before taking 
your seat.

Reflect sunlight into everyone's eyes using your watch face.

Gargle with water.

Repeat every idea they express in a baby voice while moving your 
hand like a chattering mouth.

Gradually push yourself closer and closer to the door on your 
chair

Hum throughout

Pull out a large roll of bank notes and count them demonstratively

Bend momentarily under the table then emerge wearing contact 
lenses that white out your eyes

Drop meaningless and confusing management speak into 
conversations, such as "What's the margin Marvin" "When's this
 turkey going to get basted" and If we don't get this brook 
 babbling we're all going to end up looking like doe eyed 
 Labradors"

Produce a hamster from your pocket and suggest throwing it to 
one another as a means of ideas exchange

Use a large hunting knife to point out your visual aids.

Announce you've run off some copies of the meeting agenda. 
Then hand out pieces of paper that read:
	My Secret Agenda
	1) Trample the weak
	2) Triumph alone
	3) Invade Poland
Re-collect them sheepishly and ask everyone to pretend they
haven't seen them

Attempt to hypnotise the entire room using a pocket watch.

When referring to someone in the room always call them your 
"homey" or "dog"

Leave long pauses in your speech at random moments. When someone
is prompted to interject shout "I AM NOT FINISHED"